Say no to male udders.

So, I’m sure many of you, especially those with kids, have seen the movie Barnyard. It’s a lovable movie about animals of the farm, with all kinds of hilarity and what not. I actually haven’t seen the movie in its entirety, but did catch a couple glimpses of it the other day when my son was watching it.

What I saw made me take a double AND a triple take. I saw udders. Lots of ‘em. Except some of the characters with these bovine mammary glands had masculine voices and seemed to be cast as males. What gives?

I’m not sure what the director/producer/animator had in mind when they created these unnatural creatures, but they sure don’t reflect any natural beast that I am familiar with. Udders, in the world I live in, are what calves (and dairy farms) manipulate to extract a delicious nectar I like to call “milk.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it? And as far as I can recall from my Jr. High science classes, only the female of a species produces milk. And the normal mode of distribution of milk in the bovine community is the aforementioned udder. Now then, what in the world are they doing on the lower extremities of my buddies Otis and Ben (two of the “cows” in the movie)?

I’m fully aware of the debate about what to call animals of the bovine species. Some like to call them all cows. Others argue and say, “They ain’t cows. They’s bulls.” (a full-on male bovine) or “They’s steers.” (a not-so-full-on male bovine). I’m willing to go with the common usage of “cow” referring to all of the assorted bunch. However, even if we all agree, that doesn’t change the fact that a male cow (we agreed remember?) has udders. Seriously. Someone needs to research these things. It’s. Just. Not. Right.

It may be a case of drinking too much of the PC koolaid, but that’s another discussion for another day. Until then, keep your udders under control, and adios.